Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mom. I was the little girl who loved her dolls and wanted to take care of them, even when exhausted!
True "mom" style is a photo of me trying to feed my "Bye Bye Diapers" doll on Christmas morning while she sat on the potty as I was falling asleep.
I went about my life pretty much as normal with the expectation that one day that dream of having kids would become a reality.
Being diagnosed with Celiac brought on a sense of urgency and worry like I had never had before. All of the information I got about autoimmune disease mentioned that there could be a much higher chance of infertility. I panicked!
What if I couldn't become a mom?
Thankfully it was only a few years after the diagnosis that I received one of the biggest blessings I will ever have in my life.
You!
I found out I was expecting you and all my worries started to fade away. I could become a mom. I worried about you as you developed and grew, and when you were about to make your entrance into the world.
I had crazy anxiety once you were born because I needed the world to be a safe, and perfect and happy place for you.
When you were only 26 days old your cry changed in a way that sent chills down my spine and I knew there was something not right. You were rushed to the hospital and admitted for 6 days. The longest 6 days I'd ever had in my life. I stayed with you and fell asleep standing up beside your crib.
Eventually the antibiotics they gave you worked and you were sent home.
You were the most incredible blessing and brought so much joy to our family I couldn't have been more thankful to God for sending you to us.
I loved every minute of every day I got to spend watching you grow and learn.
You were smart and sweet and shy. You were always ahead for your age and in true oldest child fashion once your brother was born you were determined to take care of him. I remember crying one night as I watched you beside me in your little bed when I found out I was expecting your brother because I knew I wouldn't ever have the same time to devote solely to you, but I also knew that I was giving you a much greater gift.
You were best friends from the start and still are. He looks up to you and relies on you in ways I don't think you are truly sometimes aware of, but maybe you are.
You loved animals (horses most specifically) and farms and holidays were something you made sure you did your best to make sure everyone enjoyed.
True perfectionist style you were going to make sure it was done right and to this day it's still one of my most favorite things about you.
You always loved magic as well and I hope you hold onto the belief and love for magic as you grow.
It's been 12+yrs since you came into my life and you are on your way to becoming a teenager and young man.
I often still look at you and think of just how blessed I am to have been given the chance to be your mom.
I'd be lying if I said there weren't days that I doubt myself and whether or not I'm doing the absolute best I can for you, but I promise you that I wake up everyday determined to try.
To try to be the best mom, role model and person I can be for you.
You are more than I ever imagined.
Often I'm guilty of not telling you this as much as I should and I hope as you grow into the person you are meant to become that you know it regardless.
You are my rock!
You always have been and I have tears in my eyes just trying to write this.
Sometimes I feel like you are stronger than I could ever be.
You give me a strength I never knew I had.
You are smart, incredibly smart.
I'm always SO proud of just how bright you are and I know that you are destined to do great things in this world. Things I would never be capable of.
I see so much of myself in you.
You are a quick learner like I always was, and shy socially more than you should be because you have so much to share with the world.
You are kind and stubborn and determined.
You value family, and tradition and do your part to make sure those things taken care of.
You have my temper I'm pretty sure but also patience and perseverance.
No words can describe adequately just how much you mean and how incredible I think you are. I know I don't say it nearly enough but I love you more than you know.
You literally are my biggest dreams come true!
Some people dream of fame, fortune and the kind of lives which movies are made.
I dreamt of you!
My life is perfect, because you made that dream come true.
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