Do you love yourself? I mean REALLY love yourself?
For many it's not as simple as a straight yes or no answer (Yes ~ I'm one of the many!).
If we are asked the same question about our family, friends or significant others the answers are often much easier.
So, why is it so hard to love ourselves?
We aren't born with negative self thoughts or ideas. Sadly, we learn these things over time if we don't fit into the mold of what society deems beautiful, healthy & valued.
Sometimes we convince ourselves we don't fit into those molds even when others might say we do.
While scientific studies have proved that the human brains do have certain preferences when it comes to overall physical appearance for the most part the old saying is pretty much spot on "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!".
Babies and young children haven't learned any social standards for beauty and as such love others and themselves without condition. Over time however, the way we start to see ourselves gets very skewed.
Growing up I don't think I developed a negative self image of any kind until I hit puberty. Until then, I was pretty happy with myself over all. Once I started to become more self-aware as far as how I fit into things societally it all went downhill from there.
I had 2 girlfriends all through high school and beyond who were in my opinion the ideal of what girls should be (as far as what I could tell by social imagery and messages). They were average or taller height, physically fit/thin, and had all the right features.
I, on the other hand carried more weight than they did (although looking back now the comparison is nowhere near what I had it made out to be in my own mind), I felt I didn't look as "stylish" as they did, and I wasn't as confident which as a result which just made me feel even more awkward.
Here it was that I started the perpetual "daisy pulling" love hate relationship with myself. A relationship that I'm only now as a grown woman with kids of her own starting to heal.
In high school I hung out with a great crowd. After high school as well. I was fortunate to have incredible, supportive friends whose ideas and impressions of me were probably much higher than the ones I had of myself.
You see the issues we have with self love aren't often actually anyone else's problems but our own. It's the ideas we accept or develop about ourselves and how we fit in in terms of overall societal status that shape our relationship with ourselves.
I, like SO many other younger girls/women NEEDED to be thinner. A certain level of "thinness" was required in my mind to reach a certain level of societal beauty and value and because of that my message to myself was- "I love you not!"
How could I love a girl who was "too fat"? She really should've tried harder! (Let me tell you.....she did everything she could).
I was the "thinnest" between me and my sisters and had blonde hair, and overall decent features and as such "I love you" could sometimes pop back up. Only if the comparison warranted it! It never lasted long though and I was right back to "I love you not!".
Attention from the opposite sex never seemed to be a problem, and as I got older and realized that I often got that attention "I love you" was occasionally whispered to the girl in the mirror. She sometimes earned it!
Overall, I tried to be a good person. I was young and naive and as such made a TON of mistakes but managed to make some fantastic friends from Canada to Australia and beyond and as such I was able to see some of the values they saw in me in myself.
As I travelled the globe from one continent to the other though I still carried my daisy with me, and the game continued because let's face it - How could I love this girl unconditionally, unapologetically and absolutely?
I love you - I love you not - I love you - I love you not!
Self-love wasn't a "thing" at the time. Self-esteem was talked about. Needing and acquiring it were important.
The only trick, no one ever showed you how to go about improving it or getting any!
Unless of course - you guessed it! You were able to move a little closer or conform a little more to social standards!
Over the last couple of years especially there has been a massive movement towards self-love. Something I think we all could've used a LONG time ago.
I personally LOVE to see celebrities and "influencers" like @thebirdspapaya and @mikzazon, & @drewbarrymore starting to change the idea of beauty, self image and just how OK it is for us to love ourselves regardless of what others think. To be NORMAL and love ourselves!
Self-love is SO much more than self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-worth!
It's the whole package! It's loving EVERYTHING about yourself without exception.
No one else's opinions, ideas or approval needed - societal or otherwise.
You love yourself just as you are and that love remains regardless of how you change.
If you get thinner, or gain weight. If you cut your hair, shave it or it falls out! If you have dark skin, light skin, dry skin, or a skin condition! If you have blue eyes, green, brown or glasses.
If you get older, have kids, don't have kids, are financially successful, are highly educated or not.
The list goes on. Sounds easy right? To borrow a little from our good friends at Nike - "Just do it!"
If you've ever struggled with this though, if you are walking around pulling petals out of your own daisy it's a lot harder than it should be.
I've posted about my daughter several times ( of course cause she's AWESOME!) and how she is the one who teaches me daily.
She gets SO excited to take a "selfie" with me and LOVES all our pictures regardless of what they look like because in her words/mind "we are beautiful!".
And you know what? We are!!
She and I physically have very different appearances. She takes after her dad and has darker skin, brown eyes & hair, and an obvious different cultural background.
I'm fair skinned, blonde and I've even been asked if she's adopted! 😂
None of that's important though. What is important is what I carry with me on my journey for "self love" (cause honestly I'm nowhere near there yet.....and I'm still holding onto that damn daisy....although very loosely now). What is important is that I let her teach me!
She LOVES us both unconditionally, unapologetically and completely! There's no predetermined ideas of what dictates our self worth for her yet and I'm hoping to goodness I can keep it that way as long as possible.
I hope I can show her that I love myself as much as I love her.........and as much as she loves me.
I don't want her to pick up a daisy and carry it around for the next 20yrs!
I've gone from fit & healthy, to fat and unwell and out of shape. My body has stretched and been damaged creating 3 of the most beautiful beings alive!! I've failed at jobs, relationships and tasks I set out to do and I've let people down. I've also fought like hell to get my health back (and I'm finally winning sometimes) and I've helped as many people as I could when possible.
I'm not financially secure, and I haven't made a fortune doing what I love. However, I've taught my kids to help others, be kind and follow their passions. Point is - I'm still working on being the best version of myself I can be.
So while I'm going to continue trying, failing, succeeding and changing I'm also going to work like heck to finally throw out the damn daisy and tell this girl in the mirror everyday genuinely, unapologetically and without exception -
"I love you!"
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